I will just hit the highest and lowest points here and I will share more details as time goes by. I’ve lived through fourteen years of sexual abuse by a stepfather and an uncle, lived in some foster homes, left home at sixteen, more sexual abuse by a relative by marriage, a short and violent first marriage, a short second marriage, a twenty year addiction to weed, a nervous breakdown, anxiety and depression. I’m frequently referred to as “ridiculous” by my oldest daughter and “eccentric” by the general public.
The highlights are three incredible daughters, a phenomenal third husband that has loved me and mine for almost eighteen years. I have made a living any way I knew how, including maid, nurse’s aide, receptionist, secretary, bookkeeping assistant (that didn’t last long – bluffed my way in and ran out screaming), gravel bagger, babysitter, shoe shiner, sign painter, artist, art teacher, clerk, deli cook, rock picker…
I am a believer in and follower of Jesus Christ and give him credit for pulling me back from the brink of insanity during my own mental breakdown. I’ve been told I talk about God too much, to which I reply “see ya”. I’m the wife of a dear, hard-working man I can’t hold a candle to and love and respect him more deeply with every passing year. I seriously hope he outlives me. I’m the mom to three amazing daughters Chaos, Foolishness and Mayhem. They are turning out just fine in spite of my awkward and frequently inept ways. They are each as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside. Cheyenne Rain, my eldest grew up with me and surpassed me in everything good years ago. She’s basically my mother. I don’t mean LIKE my mother, I mean, she keeps me lined out. Aradia Dawn, is the most like me of the three but still completely her own unique and indescribable self. She is the daughter that is creating this blog with me. By which I mean, I search through her room for anything she’s written, put it on here, call her when I lock up the computer or need technical support, bounce ideas off of her and try to make up for all the years I didn’t understand exactly what she was dealing with inside. Matilda Magick is her daddy Tommy made over. “She is small but she is mighty.” She makes me furious, makes me laugh, and makes me proud. When referring to me, she told Aradia, “I don’t think I’m ever gonna get along with that woman!” She may be right but we’ll never quit trying.
Cheyenne has made me an excited grandmother “Oma” and it’s fun to just enjoy those three boys and not worry about messing up because they are not my monkeys and not my circus. I also love their dad Sam, my son-in-law. I don’t understand him AT ALL but I think he’s hysterical and I humor him and get tickled at how his eyes twinkle when he forgets to look grumpy and smiles. He doesn’t like his smile and I think it’s one of the best smiles in the world. So those are my people and I am grateful they love me back. If I got anything right with the kids it’s that I taught them to love and trust God, respect everyone, stay humble, appreciate life, take care of those less fortunate, and laugh at themselves. At least that was my goal. They’ll have to tell you if I succeeded.
I am a homeschooling mom who cannot for the life of me understand algebra. Now I could kick myself for telling my teacher in high school that I was never gonna need this stuff. My mind just does not compute the integration of letters and numbers and partial numbers and whatever all that other evil nonsense is. I can’t make sense of the directions on the box and I don’t fit neatly inside of any boxes but I can come up with five hundred and fifty-two cool things to do with the box. That is, if I’m not stuffing the boxes with things I’ve hoarded. My greatest passions and purpose are My Lord and my family, the homeless, veterans, survivors of domestic abuse, writing and art. I also fancy myself a forager from time to time. Mostly because I’m a mediocre cook at best and the sooner my children learned to survive in the wild, better. I’m all over the place, unstructured, lose things a lot, contradict myself, give too much unsolicited advice, Facebook too much, try to mother the world and forget to brush my hair or get the brush tangled in it. That is why my eldest is a stylist.